elephantinsnake

Your Ultimate One Night Stand... by crispnite
LJ Username
Favorite animal
You invite over...
They bring...
You talk about...
You end up...	taking a shower together
Quiz created with MemeGen!

1: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says:
...afternoon, and she had sworn to God during an agonizing two hour prayer...

2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?
my wall

3: What is the last thing you watched on TV?
well i watched part of x-men tonight, but it was a video, but it showed up on the tv screen

4: WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what time it is:
oh i don't know

5: Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?:
11:46am

6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?:
the bart rumbling by

7: When did you last step outside? what were you doing?
i let ellis in a little while ago, and i guess i stepped outside then

8: Before you came to this website, what did you look at?
friendster

9: What are you wearing?
funderpants and an undershirt

10: Did you dream last night?
mmhmm i sure did

11: When did you last laugh?
with alana about boys


13: Seen anything weird lately?
yeah i was doing my laundry at molly's and the dryer was making noise so i opened it and someones student id fell out, and we think its probably the guy who used to live there maybe, but why it has never fallen out of the dryer before...? oh and he is probably lube guy, cause we found a bottle of lube in the couch, though i still prefer to believe the lube belongs to the lube mouse


14: What do you think of this quiz?
i think im not gonna answer no more questions!!!

I GOT INTO STARR KING!!!!!!!

	

	

	

				
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How compatible with me are YOU?

You're Love in the Time of Cholera!

by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Like Odysseus in a work of Homer, you demonstrate undying loyalty by
sleeping with as many people as you possibly can. But in your heart you never give
consent! This creates a strange quandary of what love really means to you. On the
one hand, you've loved the same person your whole life, but on the other, your actions
barely speak to this fact. Whatever you do, stick to bottled water. The other stuff
could get you killed.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

so hey, it's been a long time. and here's what i'm doing...

i'm sitting at home in the middle of a storm watching the finally of the bachlorette and trying to finish my application to starr king. i've decided that someone should fall madly in love with me and propose, just like on tv. it seems more exciting than my relatively boring life right now. also, if you could be finacialy secure enough to support me cause im not doing so well at finding a second job. but hopefully once this application is done, i can focus on the job thing more.

and uh... friday is party day. i am gonna celebrate all day with anyone and everyone who wants to. it is the "i finished my application celebration". it's important because if i don't get in this will be my only chance to live it up in relation to this enormous application process. but... if i do get in, well two parties are always better than one.

romance, shmomance. whats that all about?

writing about myself and my life for pages and pages and pages. what's that all about?

flooding. who needs it?

jobs. where are they?

school tomorrow. what am I gonna do with my kids?


back to me me me write write write.

oh and gay marriage. it's good and important, so have some.

i was reading over old emails that i sent about a year ago, maybe a year and a half, maybe.. and they were beautiful. beautiful. and im not saying that to say i am some wonderful writer, but it all made sense and in a way that was so good. not like now, not like here is my day, but here is my day through what i felt and what you made me think of and the colors i saw and the memories i had and how it connected me to god and i love you i love you.

have i stopped loving?

it feels like it.

what else is this lack of passion for everything?

i want to cry over it like i have lost a child. like i have lost a lover. i want it to rise again like jesus. to move the stone and return to the heavens that will then reach down to me and give it back. it all seemed so effortless before. and now there is almost no physical contact at all in my life, and when there is, i jump back. where did the openess go, and what scared it away?

i hate this fear that takes over all the time. i hate the shy and the quiet and the scared girl that doesn't want to mess it up, any of it.

one time i wrote to a friend, "i want to hear/read everything you have to say no matter how long it takes. you have finally become part of my life and i've put up a garden maze so you cant get back out so easily"

i miss that. i miss saying the pretty things said with love.

on a note that isn't this one, but is not entirely seprate... a boy came over tonight. i met him last night in a group of other people, friends of a friend. this boy made me play skeeball with him while i was nervous and shy at the arcade. and he shared my popcorn at the movie. i don't know how to navigate liking him, not just trying to sleep with him cause im pretty sure i could do that, but i want something else, something i don't know if i've ever really had. but yes, scared. I HATE SCARED. and i am trying sooo hard to not be. i am trying so hard to not be scared.

so i have a new crush. a very heterosexual crush on a very heterosexual man who i work with. his is handsome and sauve and confident. his name is gabe, which is a sexy name.

so i taught today. it was super chaos for a while, people didnt know where they were supposed to be, 22 kids showed up out of 60. i co-taught with this rad girl named stefanie. we had the 5th graders together (we were supposed to have 2 different classes, a total of 27 kids, but there were only 10 today total). overall it was pretty good. we didnt give the test we were supposed to because we had so few kids. i am looking forward to thursday.

so this boy gabe is a teacher with me. he was in my interview and training groups. he is 100% not my type, but i think he is so dreamy, we shall see, we shall see...

life is weird.

nothing too new to report.

i move through each day much like the last, sometimes the faces and voices are different though.

i have to go get finger printed today. for my job that starts on tuesday. my training is tomorrow, and i'm a bit nervous. i want to try and get my bike fixed up today so i can ride it there tomorrow cause i dont know where i can park my car for 8 hours.

i have not been working on my application like i have supposed to have been. i am afraid to face it. i am afraid to fail. it is easier to not try and fail, then to try and fail.

i am making some new friends and it is good. i went to this neat pub that has tons of different beers, and connect four and a billion other games. i went there with simon who knows tobigeyl, but is not simon strikeback. i went to dinner at jack's house. i gave alyson a hair cut. i went to craft night at frog's house. i hang out with chris a lot and that is good. i might meet xtian soon. i haven't seen alana in over 24 hours. i get the house to myself a lot and it is nice, but it also lonely sometimes, and i don't push myself to use my time wisely. i made a to do list, but i don't know... oh and i got a letter from one of my mom's 7th graders who i subbed for. it was really cute.

some days i am home sick for something familiar...

create your own visited states map
or write about it on the open travel guide

I got an email from Princeton Review today, "welcoming me to the team". I assume this means I have the job, unless I fuck up horribly at the training on Saturday.

In case anyone remembers when I applied to be a sub in Southwick, my mom told me I needed a TB test, so I got one and it was a horendous experience, filled with terror and almost passing out/almost puking. Well it turns out that I did not need the TB test for the job, and it was all for naught... but was it? NO. This newe job requires a TB test for real, and it has to have been done with in the last year. So thanks mom! It was scary to have it done at home, but I'm sure it would have been 100 times worse here where I don't know doctors or clinics or anything, and they don't know me and my fear of needles!

So the training for the job is on Saturday the 31st. We will be getting assignments to do via email. I hope it is something a bit more structured and a bit less nerve racking than the "teacher audition". We shall see.

anyway I am a touch less nuts now that I know this will work out. It is only a 10 week gig, but if I do well, Princeton Review might recruit me for some of their other jobs.

1) using band names, spell out your name:

K's choice
Tegan and sara

Mountain goats
International noise conspiracy
Chopper sick balls
Herb alpert and the tijuana brass
Aesop rock
Elastica
Ludacris

2) have you ever had a song written about you?
YES! "...if life was a pet show, i'd give you best of breed..." aw, fran.

3) what song makes you cry? not many

4) what song makes you happy? the one's on the mix tape jack made me, stuff by chopper sick balls, propagandhi, and country songs on the radio

there is no more kt.
there is only zool.
queen is totally ten times better than the beatles.
alana has taken over.
now we will go drink beer with alison.
kt wants to name our house the oar house.
I think we can do better.
what do ya'll think?
xoxoxox
Alana

so it didnt go as well as it could have, but it didnt go badly either. we shall see.

that is all.

tonight i want to eat drink and hump... in that order. also, we shall see.

that is really all.

So in about an hour I will be leaving for my first job interview here in Oakland.

I am applying to work for an after school program tutoring 3-5th graders in math. The job posting said it paid $20 and hour!

I will be attending an informational session with the other applicants, and then having a teacher's audition. This means that I will have to teach a lesson on a non-academic subject for 3-5 minutes. I racked my brains long and hard to come up with the best thing to do, and have finally settled on "The Art of the Eggplant-o-lantern". I have three eggplants, one that has not been carved at all, one that has a base and it hollowed out, and a finished product. Eggplants have been such an important part of my life, I only hope I can share the joy of this activity with the others that will be there.

I am very nervous, but also very excited. This would be a great job for me, and also allow me to have another job, like at a coffee shop or something.

I will post later today sometime to let you all know how it went. I will hear back from the decision making people by the 28th.

In other news, Alana broke our heater last night. I don't really know if it was her fault or not, but she was drying a hoodie on it, and now it doesn't work. Thank goodness we don't live in MA. The weather here is pleasant enough that it's not a big deal. Also, I've been hanging out with a bunch of kids and it is fun fun fun. A friend of mine came by last night and he had bought me an airport extreme card for my computer! I'm not sure how to use it or anything yet, but I am very excited none the less.

1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
2. Am I lovable?
3. How long have you known me?
4. When and how did we first meet?
5. What was your first impression?
6. Do you still think that way about me now?
7. What do you think my weakness is?
8. Do you think I'll get married?
9. What makes me happy?
10. What makes me sad?
11. What reminds you of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. How well do you know me?
14. When's the last time you saw me?
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
16. Do you think I could kill someone?
17. Describe me in one word.
18. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger,
weaker, or staying the same?
19. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything
and I would listen?

i am at alana's school updating my lj and checking email and looking for a job and so on and so forth. i got here on sunday and have had plans everynight. it is strange and nice and rainy and was dirty but now is clean.

sunday aaron and alyson came over to me and alana's house, then on monday i went to see jack at work, then to aaron and alysons, then to frogs, then to david/leone/jonahs place. yesterday alana and i cleaned and cleaned and cleaned. jack came over and i made him dinner. me and alana talked a bunch about my nervousness and stuff around him and it was good and i like having her in my house with me. tonight i am hanging out with kevin and tomorrow chris and i are getting together. that still leaves alex, rachel and allison, kathy (if she calls me but probably wont), and jo to see. probably some others too. it is strange though to have so much of a social life a day after moving to town. i have been invited to a huge party in tahoe but i dont think i am up for it. too many people and too hard of partying for my tastes. david sammich was really nice to me the other night though and that was good. and it was good to see jonah and not has the slightest bit of feeling for him, emotionally or sexually.

today we excorcised the toilet. hopefully we did a good job of it.

i am going to go outside now. but i dont have regular internet acess at the moment, i also dont have a land line at my house. so poo.

xoxxox

so it looks like we are really going to leave on sunday morning, a few days earlier than expected. i just can't do this in between anymore, i can't cry three times a day for no reason except that my body/mind doesn't want to be in this in between anymore. it is too much to not really be here but not really be gone. it weighs me down and everyday i think of good bye and cry because i cant decided whether or not to buy an $8 pair of shoes that i don't really need. i am soo thankful for all of my support here and i feel bad leaving them, my sister and mom and court, and yet i can't stay because i need to go. these three ladies take such good care of crazy me. but i know i will have love in ca as well, i just have to get there.

deep breath...

so i will be furiously packing and hoping that someone stops by to say goodbye. alana sent mix tapes and i dont think they will get here in time, but i'll just have my mom send them back out to ca. i love alana and i love mix tapes, but mostly i love feeling stable and thats not gonna happen if i have to keep waiting. so sunday morning it is, god's day and mine i guess.


and i want to say sorry to anyone who's been in the path of my irrational behavior in the past days/weeks. i do not kid when i say i am crazy sometimes. responses not aligning with stimuli, but it is ok, i am ok... will be. i am not mad at anyone or anything, i just cry and am sad because i have no place to plant my feet. soon soon soon. but again, i'm sorry if i have worried any of you.

xo

AHHHHH

I am doing a bit better than the last time i posted (well the time before the survey). I got a mix tape in the mail yesterday for the road trip, i will list for you what is on it:

thin white lines: driving music for kt
(tape made by jax)

side one
dazed+confused - led zepplin
you spin me round - dead or alive
crazy on you - heart
no one knows - queens of the stone age
if i cant - 50 cent
i didnt mean to turn you on - robert palmer
crystal ball - styx
rock your body - justin timberlake
in the still of the night - white snake
2 of hearts - stacy q
side two
pass the dutch - missy elliot
fat bottomed girls - queen
bicycle race - queen
for whom the bell tolls - metallica
daylight - aesop rock
mad world - gary jules
path of glorry - demon and wizard
lateralus - tool
idependance day - elliot smith
racerx - big black
imigrant song -ledzepllin

i ALSO recieved in the mail a present from LWW who sent me what at first appears to be a beer cozy, but from reading her letter it is really to put my make up in since i turned into a femme. haha. it also has a ten commandments bead on it in case i need moral guidance while i use my makeup or drink a beer.

i love getting mail! i have to admit i have been bad at sending it as of late, but perhaps when i get to ca and dont have a job i will have time for that kind of thing.

last night i stayed up really late (i mean really late) with leah just having some drinks and talking talking takling. it was really good. we talked about all kinds of stuff and it was rejuvinating.

i had a dream this morning about moving and it was really sad and i cried a lot. when i woke up i was mad cause i was hoping i would have had a dream where it was exciting. so i decided i would just think about all the exciting things today. YAY I AM EXCITED...

the end

1. What did you do in 2003 that you'd never done before?

performed in a drag show

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

i didn't make one last year. and for this year, continue work on the growing up growing out program

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

no

4. Did anyone close to you die?

no

5. What countries did you visit?

OH CANADA

6. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003?

motivation for school. a job i like that pays the bills.

7. What date from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

spring break - car accident.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

getting my undersgraduate degree... or getting to know myself and my desires in life better.
quiting smoking.

9. What was your biggest failure?

not putting enough effort in places where i should have.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

nothing major, a few colds and some scrapes and bruises

11. What was the best thing you bought?

flowers for my mom

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

right now i'd say my mom. like i said in my last update she's being such a huge help even though i know how sad she is that i am leaving. also, my sister, she went through a lot of big decisions this year and has delt with them with all the beauty and poise of the stonkmeister.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

appalled - oh the govnt or what have you. depressed - my own at moments, and when things with luke went ary that was hard. and sad (which isnt on the list but you know) - brendan when he just stopped talking to me.

14. Where did most of your money go?

alcohol, gas, presents, bankaccount, clothes, music

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

new friends and old friends and family

16. What song will always remind you of 2003?

remix to ignition - nelly, and hank williams songs

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a. happier or sadder? sadder.
b. thinner or fatter? fatter
c. richer or poorer? about the same

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

school work

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

drinking

20. How did you spend Christmas?

with the family.

21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?

at the moment it's alana, but it was probably my mom too.

22. Did you fall in love in 2003?

i dont think so, though i have had a ton of crushes

23. How many one-night stands?

enough

24. What was your favorite TV program?

family guy

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

i dont think i hate anyone really, at least not in a personal sense of knowing someone and hating them.

26. What was the best book you read?

i've been reading pomosexual which started out really good, but just turned into smut, which is ok, but just not what i wanted out of this book. i was really looking for more theory, not erotica. i guess it was worth the first few chapters anyway.


27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

the mountain goats, and seeing melissa ferrick live

28. What did you want and get?

a plan of action

29. What did you want and not get?

a relationship

30. What was your favorite film of this year?

super troopers hahaha.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

22 i think i just hung out with court and chirs. i dont really remember. oh, i did the paper work to get mym car. and i think i worked.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

nothin really. there are things i went through that were rough, but they were things i needed to go through.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003?

butch/draggish, then kinda borderline punk fashionably hip and hot, most currently frumpy (though my sister says im not) which involves a lot of longish skirts over pants, sweaters and scarves

34. What kept you sane?

god

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

johnny depp?

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

war in iraq

37. Who did you miss?

alana, jonah, michelle, lynn

38. Who was the best new person you met?

jonah, simon, christopher (well i already had met him, but this was when i got to know him)

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003:

knowing yourself is one of the most important parts of any relationship. being honest and communicative are up there too.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

i dont know. it's been a year in three parts. last semester of school, summer, and this fall/winter of working. each with it's own sound track so blah.